I R Helping!

Dear Diary, 

The old lady was in my play room. She has tons of boxes in there and she keeps putting pretty sparkly paper and ribbons on them for me. I love the new toys she is making. She is so crafty! Of course I love helping her.  I can't wait till it's next to my cat tree with all the other sparkly dangling toys! It's a ninja cats dream come true! 

I have a new magic Power!

Dear Diary, 

I have a new magic power. Not only am I ninja cat extraordinaire, but I have discovered with the changing of the weather when I go outside my fur gets all fluffy. It is like... BOLSTER. I am a Mystic! Monk Mystic that's me! My tail grows to double it's size and my cheeks even puff out. Grrrowll I am awesome! Of course it only lasts while I am in the white stuff outside. I think I have communed with it and it gives me my powers. I love playing in my new form. I go out and tease Lance a lot. He is the lamb and I am the mighty hunter! 

Dear Diary, 

I know it's been a while. But I have been recuperating from a very traumatic experience  The old lady left me for a MONTH! (drama paw on forehead, slight faint action) Then right before she came back I went to the doctor again and had to spend the night. When I woke up my belly was naked! I had a cut and I have reinforced the thought that now I am liver-less  I told my girl this the first time! I must of put up a big fight when they took me to the doctor because I heard them say "removal of ninja claws" but I still have them! That was a close call! Of course I now hear the old lady telling me about a bell or something around my neck. no no no this will not do. I will never be able to catch those flying chirpy things. 

But lets move on. Our house is changing! My stuff has been moved around and there is a beautiful tree with shiny hanging things on it. It's like a kittens dream come true. A tree full of kitten toys! I have enjoyed every moment so far its been up. Even the old lady is encouraging me by yelling my name every time I play with it! I do so love the old lady. Having your own cheer team makes a kitten feel so loved. I have even contributed to the decorating in the house. I go out my window and have been bringing in small pine cones. They add a bit of natural appeal to the overall decorations. My contributions can be found all over the house. I have even  given them to the dust bunnies under the furniture! Merry Christmas my little bunny friends. 

Dear Boo from the Old lady

Boo, I hear you are having all kinds of fun while i am out in California. I even heard you got stuck in a tree. I want you to know you have another date with that evil doctor and this time she will be .... ....... ...... fixing you and you will have to spend the night. I am sorry I couldn't make it home for your special surgery. But don't fret your girl will be there to love on you when it's all over. We have decided to keep your ninja claws after all. You do so enjoy the outdoors.
Miss you my little lovey turd.
The old lady.

On Vacation

Dear Diary, 
The old lady left me to go mend her wounds. Ninja claws after 4 months were just to much for her. She said she needed at least 2 weeks to heal. I would think so! I am good at marking my territory. 

tones and words

Dear Diary,

I feel the need to share some vital information with any other kitten reading this. There are certain words and tones a kitten should learn from the humans. Here is my list-

1. Treat! This also comes with a nice tone and usually a shake of the bottle. Remember this word, it leads to getting yummy snacks! It's also the downfall of all ninja attacks. Usually I stop what I am doing and run to the treat spot. 

2. Your name. This is important in some ways but less in others. For example- You get outside and Lance chases you to far from the house. You know the sound of your name and when the humans call; it leads you home. This is the good way to know it. Now the other way. Example- You are on the counter or the sink or have ninja clawed yourself to their thigh. When the tone is high and loud and they yell "BOO" ignore them. This is where you begin your training of them. Pretty soon you can get all humans to flinch with just look and a sway of the tail. 

3. No. When they say this it's usually loud and in a deep voice, very sharp to the ears. Here is what you do. Make your self as flat as possible and STAND YOUR GROUND. Do not ... I repeat Do NOT run. Make them come to you THEN run. This frustrates them and you have done your duty for the day. Of course more skilled kittens might like to do this several times during the day just for fun. 

One note on tone. This can be deceiving, so be aware of the words they are using. They can talk as sweet as can be and still telling you you're a "little crazy monster" But worst of all is saying the words "Going to Vet" in sugar tone. Gets me every time, So beware! The dogs... All you have to say is "Wanna Go" and they run to the door. Don't fall for it! Just don't!!!

So there is a good starting point when it comes to tones and words. Try them out, listen, learn and work that dominating side! 

Bonfire

Dear Diary, 

The old lady gave up the ghost and realized I love to play outside. Last night I was invited to play outside with the humans. They let the dogs out too! We had a wonderful time of playing tag and hide and seek. I so love playing outside. It just makes me feel so alive and then I get to sleep really well at night. This morning I tried to go outside for a few minutes. It was really cold out and I ran back in. Old lady says to me "Not so much fun at 21 degrees huh Boo?" I am thinking ... No it's not. She says to me "Get use to it, this is just the beginning and then in some strange Game of Thrones voice says..."Winter is coming" <shrug> I have no idea what she is talking about. 

So Worried!!!

Dear Diary,

There is some discussion about my staying here in this home. I am so worried! My girl is supposed to clean my litter box and she has been rather lacking in that department. I don’t like yucky litter; it’s not good for the ninja claws. I was looking for a new place since the box was just plain yucky and my bladder just slipped on the old ladies bed. She had to go to the laundry mat right away because the washer is broken. <shrug> And the rest of the day she ranted about the girl and responsibility. I heard words like “Doesn’t matter how cute and loving I am… responsibility has consequences…” I am really scared! I love it here! Wish the old lady would just do my litter clean up. When the girl was gone for that one week it was cleaned all the time! Sometimes twice a day! I like it when the old lady does it.

<prays to kitten gods> PAWEEES PAWEEES PAWEEES make the girl do what she has to do, or make the old lady love me so much she takes over and the girl gets some other punishment. I don't want to be punished for the girls lack of actions. 

Small gap = Fun!

Dear Diary,

Shhhh… I found an escape route from the house. The window with the air conditioner has a gap. I discovered I am a very brave kitty and jumped about 12ft. to the ground. Then I was off to plunder all the leaves I wanted! No birds get to eat at our house today, Ninja kitty is on watch! The old lady thinks I might have escaped when she was letting a dog in. What she doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her. When I made the mistake of letting her know I was outside she came out to join me and brought Lance. He loves playing tag! We flew around the house in circles and up and down trees! Even played hide and seek in the flowers. He doesn't hide very well. I did come back in and found there is a box in front of my escape route. Hmmm wonder how that happened? Oh well will figure that out another day , all that fresh air made me sleepy. 

SSDD

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was same shit different day... I think I have a lot of those in my future. I didn't even draw blood on the old lady. Dang cooler weather has her legs hidden. Trust me, it wasn't for lack of trying, even when she does dishes I like to ninja attack her butt. Yeah... I have progressed from the back of the knee to  higher areas. On one note, Lance actually barked at me. All I was trying to do was comb his tail. Things are fine and dandy outside and we are all buddies, but inside he is such a snob. Dogs can be so cliquish!

Denied freedom

Dear Diary,

There seems to be some immunity to my meows lately. I have been working on communicating with the old lady and she keeps denying my chatter. I have even found a few higher notes. It’s not the soft whisper of a baby anymore; I am working on my Roar! I really wanted to go outside yesterday. The other fur babies were allowed. Am I not the Cat Dog the old man that visits, calls me? He was outside most of the day and I really wanted to help him. I could have chased all the leaves he was mowing over. I kept telling them I wanted to help, but they just kept saying “that was a treat, because soon you will be defenseless” What does that mean? I have ninja claws! I climbed a tree! I am INVINSIBLE! I finally had to give up and take a nap. All the excitement of the outside world was just out of my reach and I got very sleepy trying to break free of the shackles of the house. I believe I am doomed to live here in jail. Yup that’s me, Boo cat extraordinaire… left to live a life with 4 walls and a cot. Oh the agony! 

Rescue!

Dear Diary,
Yesterday was such an awesome day! I got to play outside for hours and hours and I even climbed a tree! The old lady found me up high and then the old guy that visits came out and said "You never find cat bones up in trees, she will find a way down." He was right! Ninja paws and a bit of side booty action and I was back down on the ground!
Then across the street there was some action going on with the neighbor kids. I alerted the old lady right away! They had found a kitten all alone! They named him Tuna because that was all they had for stray cats to eat. Plus the neighboring old lady was allergic to kitties. I saw how they were handling tuna and the old lady said "They have no idea what to do with that kitty!" So she went over and talked to them and all of a sudden I was having to share my food bowl. That was not cool at ALL. NOPE. TUNA had to be removed at once! Even my fur family didn't like Tuna. Wait.. think it was the other way around. I am not sure if Tuna has ever even seen a dog before. Because he was all fuzzy and hissing every time they walked by and sniffed the carrier.

Anyway Tuna was a nice enough boy, but we don't need two cat masters here. Out with you Tuna.. OUT!

My girl took Tuna to the kindle of kitties home. The borderland Humane society has a room just for lost kitties! He will get a few days to adjust and hopefully his owner will find him. If not he will get to visit the Shady Dr and get poked too...<evil kitty grin> Then be up for adoption. I hope if the owners don't find him that he gets a home as happy as mine.

Here is a brief picture of Mr. Tuna. 

Update! OOZie aka Mr. Tuna found his mommy! 

Spoiled rotten!

Dear Diary,

I am so loved and spoiled. I always want to be up on the human’s chests so the old lady and girl decided in order for them to continue loving me I needed proper support. They ordered up a baby sling just for me. Now I get to lay with them while they are busy  in a cocoon of love and warmth for both of us. I was reading up on Crazy Cat Ladies and pretty sure I am making both of them into one. Those Crazy cat ladies love to spoil their kitties. I am pretty sure I am on the right path of crazy for the old lady. 

Joyful fun!

Dear Diary,

I had the most fabulous day yesterday! The old lady was working out front and she let me come out with her. Lance and Maggie were outside too! We all played in the grass and at first I was all like “What is this green stuff?” then she said it was grass and it was fun to walk on! I pounced on leaves and chased bugs, even did a bit of camouflage work with spider webs on my whiskers. I dug in the dirt and played chase the kitty with my fur family. There is a small jungle and cave that I got to play in. I couldn’t contain the pleasure of being outside and was running in circles and leaping for joy. The fresh air and the sun on my fur was simply lovely!  Lance, I found finally will play with me if I am outside! He was so much fun. First I would attack him (I am a wolverine!), then he would pretend he was a sheep dog and try to round me up and keep me up front. He did well, our role-playing games were fun! We were out there for a long time. Finally I was tired and asked to go inside. My window perch made a perfect afternoon snooze spot.

And then…

The girl came home and called me. I went running and she tossed me in the carrier and took me to that shady DOCTOR again. I cried and cried and she didn’t listen one bit! That evil doctor gave me ANOTHER shot. It really hurt and I let them know I was not into all this acupuncture voodoo hoodoo crap. My girl brought me home and I am safe. I did hear I don't have to go back again for shots for a year. Not sure what a year is but I have that much time to perfect my escape routes from being put in the carrier and going to the Doctors. 

Whack A Cat

Dear Readers,

My girl made me a game to work on my paw-eye coordination. She calls it “whack a cat”; I call it “Ninja attack simulation exercises for the inner monk kitten”. Maybe we will just refer to it as whack a cat, it’s shorter. Sometimes we play this game with the box on the floor, and sometimes she sets it up on end and I have to jump to get the bird (Swiffer). The training exercise ends when I kill the bird. I get a treat for doing this, so I give it my all! Once in a while I get so involved I jump out of the box and try to chase the bird. My girl says “cheating!” and the bird flies away. Back to the box, I want my treat!

Every once in a while Lance and Tucker think they can play “Whack a Cat”. Tucker actually jumps and tries to get me, but Lance knows how our relationship is and just watches. I know for a fact he would love the chance to get me. His nature is such a soft one he will never act on it. Can we say push over? (Insert evil meow)

Box Cave Part 2

Dear Diary,

Box Cave part 2.

I give this box cave a rating of 6/10. I think it has to many holes and all my girl does is poke me. This is not fun. The only part I really like is the bottom where I can lazily lay there and strike out here and there. I think the old lady said something about starting over. Plus I am a growing kitty; I need bigger holes! 

Props to the girl for cutting the nice "HI" in it, but reality bites and its just not working for me. Sometimes the humans are clever, this time, not so much. 

Swiffer Gymnastics

Dear Diary,

I started my kitten gymnastics training. Our first course is the Swiffer Jump. I have so much work to do, because the old lady says some day I will be able to jump on the washer and dryer and <as she gasps and sighs> the counters in the kitchen. Straight from the floor too! I won’t have to jump on the chair then the table and try to make it across. I am pretty sure they don’t allow me on the table because they yell and come running with the air can. That is a different story all to itself! Air cans are evil! I think I am showing I have the skills to succeed in this training session. If you watch closely I did a flip with a dismount on top of a box! 

Documentation exhibit 1. The beginning of an athlete, the Swiffer Jump. 

 As you can see I made them stop working on other projects to do this exercise.

Closed for the weekend

Dear Diary, 
The old lady and my girl say I chatter to much. I have to take the weekends off. Cya Monday! 

But just in case you miss me; here I am wanting a treat. 

BOO I SAID NO MORE... YOUR EGO IS ENORMOUS! Little lovey turd!

                                                               ~The old Lady

Box Cave-Part 1

Dear Diary, 
All kittens should have a box to practice evasive maneuvers. My girl started making me a box cave. This is the first box, see below. It had a function rating of 3/10. My butt and hind legs barely fit in it. I had to squeeze my body through the holes because she didn't make them big enough. This of course was demonstrated as she was making it; because I really wanted to help. I did carry all the bits of cardboard to every corner of the house for her. It's our way of playing "find the trash" she says. I of course was saving them for later. I need good pieces of cardboard for when the dust bunnies are hiding from me. 

A well made box cave can save any kitten from the slobber of dogs. Tucker especially enjoys licking me and chewing on me till I reek of dog. Although sometimes my new aroma allows me to sneak up on Lance easier. Why he lets Tucker attack him and not me I don't know. I think he is bias towards other dogs and his soft heart thinks he will hurt me. The bigger I get the more he will like me. (I hope)

Namaste

Dear Diary, 
I found a mentor on YouTube for cat yoga. I have been trying his poses intensely; but know I am just a beginner. Let me mark these videos for future reference. 

Namaste oh great mentor. 

Scaredy-Cat

Dear Diary,

Lately I have been so in depth in my training I don’t hear my girl come up behind me. I am busy trying to catch bugs by my window perch or meditating. She is always trying to interrupt my ninja education by picking me up. Whenever she does this I end up jumping three inches into the air, I can't help myself!

My girl always laughs at me like she's shocked that she scares me. I definitely need to work on this! Ninja kitties are NOT allowed to be scared. Especially not three times in one day!

I need to train for this and I think my girl will be the perfect helper for me. I will scare her!

Get the Girl!

Dear Readers
You asked for it. Here is a few snippets of me getting the girl while I play ball. Listen closely... she is good at saying Ow!

This is me attempting to practice my ninja reflexes when the girl kept pushing it with the ball. Oh and did you see that back paw kept wanting in on the action. It was a rough lesson; I was getting frustrated! 

Oops!

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was National Dog Day. I am just realizing this. I feel bad I didn't support my fur family. Here is a link to the official page for all my readers who like dogs. Don't feel bad if you don't click it, some of you just have to love cats and not dogs. It's OK.

National Dog Day

I have a little bit of advice for you dogs---

1. After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted Criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (this allows cats to get away with murder)
3. Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (This will drive them nuts and pet the cat because I will be there purring and waiting for them to say how sweet i am that i didn't wake them up)

Trust me these tips are IMPORTANT!

The Blur

Dear Diary, 

I have been working on my stealth ability lately. How fast can I run around the house without anyone seeing me? I am quick and they call me "The Blur" I am good at being quick but the old lady says running into things  is not very stealth like. I need to work on my stopping and apparently my direction because when I zoom all over the house things fall over, or they chase me. I was exercising with a plastic bag the other day and just swish swish running back and forth, a few leaps when the air picked it up and it scared me, when it latched on! Before I knew it I had run into the other room even faster and bam right into the bookcase, bag and all. Those bags are evil but prove to be good trainers. I do admit I get a bit scared when they latch on; I need to work on that. I must be fierce! Early morning is the best time to be a blur. When the old lady get her coffee and fills the water bowl, I run back and forth and she is so slow all she says is ... "Good Morning BlurBoo" she is cute sometimes with her nicknames. I don't care what she calls me; I just like to be recognized in the mornings for being up and cheerful. Of course this morning I did get locked out of my girls’ room after she proclaimed I was driving her crazy. Not my fault she doesn't like to get up at 6 am. Teens... seriously. (rolls eyes)

Napping

Dear Diary,

Finding a good nap spot is important. There are several places around this house but each represents different things. Say I want to take a nap on my window perch. This is saying to the others in the house “You are safe, I am feeling really tired and nothing can wake me up for a few hours.” But if I sleep in the dog bed, I am saying “Just try to bug me dog, I dare you.” Napping on the couch keeps all the dogs away and they have to lie on the floor. Plus I am ADORABLE when I curl up under the covers. I love to nap under things. My girl thinks I am just the cutest! Of course I am but that is beside the point. I am reminding her of the fact when I do it. You have to have a good balance to be top cat in a house.

Of course this  could always be used for an attack starting spot too. 

Claw Care and usage.

Dear Readers,

One of our most important assets given to us is our claws. We use them for a variety of things. Like Toe grab, climbing humans, teaching the dogs whose boss. Here is a snippet to show you my prized claws.

Care of said claws includes shredding of many things. Toilet paper is a fabulous item for using them in a rapid succession. The faster you go the better, see if you too can get the whole roll on the floor quickly! When you want attention and humans are busy but try to put you down, stick them into the skin deeply. Usually one claw on the dogs’ nose will deter it. This is important for any kitten just starting out. Couches make great places to sharpen claws, just use the edges! Curtain climbing is valuable for building strength. But the most fun of all is when you can leap on to something barely making it and grab on! Usually you end up marking whatever it is. It’s important to establish a good base of what is yours by marking it up.  Do not use claws in the litter box; this makes them dull and smelly. Keep them well hidden in that instance.

Feel free to share your comments on claw care with me. I am always looking for new ways to improve their usage through a variety of exercises.  

Gamer Kitty!

Dear Diary, 
I am a gamer kitty at heart! I love it when the old lady plays Everquest 2. She flies up into the air and lets the birds circle her. Then I practice my attacks! Of course now that I know what she is doing I want to help her all the time and she says "no you are not a healer, you're a monk. I am playing the healer right now." And then we practice me landing on all 4 paws again. Over and over and over until something else distracts me for a few min. Everyone that the old lady plays with knows me now too. I am her special helper. She tells them so. I heard her say it once..."healer down!! DAMN cat is helping again! " She is so excited too! I know the other 23 people in her raid are so glad she got me. 

Good Morning!

Dear Readers

Good morning from beautiful International Falls! 

Today's to do list includes squirrel watching, bug hunting, a bit of torture the dogs and my new thing I am trying to learn is talk like a bird. I do half meows at them and try to entice them over to my personal bird feeder, that I have near my window. Here I am on my window perch. I can see the “Hood” watch the yard, and am still close to the old lady for when I need my belly rubbed.

Have a kittyriffic day everyone!

Who's getting who?

Dear Diary, 
They call it "Get the Kitty" but I do just as much of the gettin' as Tucker does. It should be called "Get the doggy".

Secrets

Dear Diary, 

The old lady and my girl went away for a few days. So I don't think they should be able to read what i was doing in their absence. My secret ninja attacks on the babysitter, and how cute i was will have to be kept to myself. 
And just out of spite when they came home. I did not play the Catdog and act like they were gone forever. I properly displayed my true catlike nature and gave them the "Oh were you gone?" attitude. This makes them come to me instead of me coming to them. As it should be when a cat has mastered the house. 

Workout Tower

Dear Diary,

When I first received my tower I could barely climb it. Now I can jump up to each level from the level before. I am growing stronger with each training session. I can get from the floor to ceiling in 3 seconds flat! I have several toys attached to my tower to simulate different attack strategies. The fluffy thing is like a bird; I can attack it and take it down to bare feathers in moments! Old lady doesn’t mind because she says at least they aren’t real. Then there is the ball with the bell, which is there to get me to keep attacking even if things make noise. This has been helpful during the toe game. The girl has been training me also with my pounce treats. She shakes the bottle and I have to get to the top as soon as possible to get one. I love my treats, it shows I am on the right track for training. 

Growth marks

Dear Diary,

I am growing so big. My girl has been marking my growth.

When I sit up straight it really shows. Just a few weeks ago I was half my size!

I think it’s the chicken lance shares with me. 

Game-Toe grab

Dear Diary,

Oh My Gosh do I love this game!

<Singy voice> LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

The old lady plays it with me. Here is how it works. I am so excited it’s hard to write this down.I am like that guy in the movie "My cousin Vinny. ok okokokay okayokay" 

I go under the old ladies bed and prime my inner ninja. Double-check the claws and wait.paw gestures the reenactment of wolverine in X men with his claws The old lady comes into the room and shuffles around the bed with Grade A prime BARE toes. She moves all around the sides of the bed pulling things off or putting them on. I think she calls it doing laundry or making the bed, something like that. All I know is I am so compelled to attack those toes! It is so much fun! They jump, she squeaks my name and we do it all over again!!! By far this is one of the best games I have played. I get so excited that afterwards I run  and jump for joy all over the house. I know I am the winner because the old lady grabs the Neosporin tube. 

Things that go bump in the night.

Dear Diary,

I have added an hour of house checks to my daily routine. Every night around 2 am I make the rounds over and over. Is Dusty ok on the couch? Yes she is fine and I will stay away from her. Is Lance in his spot? Yes he is where he sleeps every night, but just to make sure he is breathing I will nudge his tail a few times, tap him on the nose and provoke him for a few  minutes just in case.

Sometimes when I check on Tucker he will help me with the rounds. We move from room to room quickly. Just because you don’t see something odd or off kilter the first time you check doesn’t mean it isn't there. If you act like you’re leaving and then turn real quick, check again.

Is Maggie holding down the covers on the bed between the humans? She has an important job. I really don’t bug her except for the occasional jump over her when checking the humans. The old lady loves to leave her feet out of the covers. That is not how it should be done. A few ninja paws gets them right back under where they should be. She wears a sleeping mask too, sometimes I have to check that, make sure it’s ok. A good couple of pounces and she checks it too! All is well with her.

Now that girl of mine… ugg. That girl takes forever to check. She sleeps so hard. I can run up and down her and no reaction. Sometimes after repeated attention I finally get recognition for securing the thought that she is ok in bed and she will grab me and pull me under the covers. I usually end with the girl and decide it’s nice under the covers and rest again till the light comes through the windows. Everyone says that I really don’t have to do this every night, but I feel it’s important to make sure everyone is safe and A-ok.

Dusty and her personal space bubble

Dear Diary,

Maggie left to go to work with the old guy that visits. I hear she will be gone for 5 days. Which is fine and all, but they left Dusty with us and she has some issues. She requires a good 2ft. personal space bubble. She gets so grouchy with me if I do not respect her space. Old lady says she is the matriarch of the fur family and I should listen to her. The problem with this is she lies in the MIDDLE of everything, and she is HUGE! I can’t practice any of my skills in this tiny house if she wants to dominate most of the floor space. The only thing I have going for me is she is so slow. I have been known to jump on and over her in a flash. By the time it registers to her that I was in the no Dusty zone, I am already in a different room. Why can’t she lay in Maggie’s bed when she is gone? It’s out of the way and already marked as no trespassing area. I have little hope with this dog. She is just not trainable nor do I feel I will be able to dominate her. This is a hit to my plans and the situation will need reconsideration after the other dogs fall into line. 

Hunting Bunnies

Dear Diary,

I have been given a new role in the family unit. “Dust Bunny Wrangler” is my official title; quoting the old lady. She said it is an excellent challenge for my stealth and ninja ability. My size is perfect for this too; small is needed to be a bunny wrangler. There seems to be an ever growing population of bunnies in our home. I have found a few and the old lady removes them, but I can still find more. The best places to find the bunnies are under things. They like to hide in small dark corners. Sometimes they are so big they attack me! I have to run out from their hiding spot and have the old lady grab them off me! I didn't think they came with a sticky attachment but you learn something new every day. The more I come across, the more treats I get! I like this new position. Cue commentary in my head… And now the MIGHTY dust bunny hunter strikes again! 

Wet again.

Dear Diary,
Wet again. I can't contain myself when the old lady does her dishes.This time she used really cold water! brrrrr

Leash training Tucker

Dear Diary, 

Today I continue the educating of Tucker. When he hears the humans say “Get the kitty!!!” He will think twice. First you need to establish dominance by binding him in some way. I am demonstrating the use of a leash in this photo. The leash means power. I have seen the humans use it on him. They command respect and direct him in what he can do while attached to the leash. Do not be fooled by the image I have given. This is very dangerous work. One miss claw grab and you could possibly be dragged around the house. Experience is knowledge. I also believe a bit more weight on my end will help immensely. This could take a few months. I am a determined 3 pounds of fluff. I will succeed in this lesson. 

"Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you."

Contact paper

Dear Diary,

I tried to help again today. The old lady was working with some sticky paper on some shelves. I was trying to put my paws on hers and direct the flow of laying this paper out. We didn't want bubbles but she kept insisting it was my fault we got them. I think she is crazy, my paws can be swift and soft. After a few attempts she decided I needed my own sticky paper. I don’t have any shelves. This was not as fun as helping her. She totally had me all bemused with the paper and I have no idea how she finished the job she was doing, because it took me forever to get the paper off and couldn't help. I have to say I prefer to work with non sticky substances. I think i lost a bit of fur.

Compromising position

Dear Diary,

I was caught in a compromising position. Do not attempt this position if you do not trust your surroundings. I was so tired the other night and my girl offered to hold me while I totally conked out. As a kitten we can sleep hard. I mean so hard we are called cat rugs. You can move us anywhere and we just flop around and go. My endurance is short-lived as I am still growing and maturing. So I am often found in these positions. The dogs are found like this too, so I am not to worried. I was in her arms and she started to rub my tummy. My girl says most cats don’t like their belly stroked. I LOVE IT! It’s so comforting to have my belly massaged. You would think I was part amphibian. I hear frogs sleep when you pet their bellies too! I think I should look into google and see if I can get the girl to practice more techniques. I think all kitty owners should be skilled in the art of massage. 

Visitors

Dear Diary,

 The old lady had a visitor come to the house. She was a very nice lady with the smell of small dog on her. Warning!!!  If you are a guest in our home I will ninja attack you. Yup you are not safe just because you have a “Visitor” status. I am not a discriminating kitty. The back of her knee had a bulls eye on it I swear! I just had to dig my ninja claws in. Plus I have to admit it is the most sporting of all events to attack a human. They tend to squeak and jump. GREAT FUN! Then they like to spew threatening words at you. I am the NINJA of this house… spew all you want; I have marked you and will again. <tips paw from top of head while bowing>  Bring it, visitors…bwahahaaa

Getting organized

Dear Diary,

I was watching the old lady make a to-do list. I thought I should do this that way I have a nice timeline of things I want to accomplish. I could put in things like, wake Kelsey up for school, let Kelsey know I need my litter box changed; I could even have a nice rotation of a Ninja Kitty training schedule.

So here is my list. 

Very clever old lady...very clever.

The other side of Ninja.

Dear Diary,

So much talk about my ninja skill, stealth ability and dominance I am leaving out a few components that makes me truly special. My overall cute factors, my ability to be sweet, cuddly and silly are 50% of what makes me the diva of this house. Let’s recap a few moments that I have registered as 100% working in my favor.

1. When the humans come home from being gone. I run to the door like the dogs and meow and say “Welcome home you were gone FOREVER and I missed your company.”  Yes I have learned to welcome them from high up because although I am a dominate force in this house 3 pounds of all this kitty goodness does not stand up to 300 pounds of happy dogs all in one spot. I am making it work though. I have a good spot, and the humans acknowledge me right away. Mental note – bonus if I softly touch them with my paws and purr.
2. Sleeping with the humans. When they are sleeping I love to cuddle up with them. I enjoy finding a good cover to crawl under and usually I end up behind the knees or in an armpit. Very warm spots! And when they wake up they are so glad to see me and enjoy the extra comfort I have been so graciously supplying.
3. Silliness- I hear this a lot from the humans. “She is so silly!”  I have noticed when I play with Tucker, I hear this several times. Sure I see it as a lesson in my ninja skills but hey if the humans want to call it silly, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Yet. Those leaps in mid air, tumbles and acrobatic moves are all part of my training. I am swift as the air, silent as mouse and as deadly as a lion.
4. I love to play with the human’s computers. This makes me cute. I enjoy a good game of mahjong. I help show her where to go; sometimes the old lady says my directing skills are in need of a polish. I point and she can’t see because of my body being in the way. So we are working on it. This actually is very amusing to me and is a good down time activity from my lessons. I do tend to take a nap after the relaxation of the game.
5. Purr box- I have a very good purr box. The kitten gods were good to me. This unique ability clicks on about 75% of the day and nobody, not even the dogs can turn it off. Natural things like that help me immensely. Situations arise and all I have to do is turn it on and viola out comes the forgiveness factor in humans. So glad they have no idea they are totally being played till the next moment when they get attacked.

I have so many cute things I do, but I think these summon up the gist of my sustainability, and allow me to get away with being told “NO” so many times. 


I am cute, yes I am. here I am snuggling with Maggie. 

Old lady intervening here.

Boo Boo my sweet <sometimes> Boo.

1. We acknowledge you when we come home right away because we are glad you have not been eaten by the dogs. You have a way of annoying then.
2. Have you not noticed you get moved right away when we find you cuddled up in odd places near our bodies? Have you not heard the comments from the man who visits? “Cat dog loves to get so close!”
3. Tucker is our babysitter for you. He is told  ...” Get the kitty!!! Tucker get the kitty!” Because we are tired of your overwhelming and lavishly applied attention here and there.
4. Playing mahjong also leads to practicing landing on all 4 paws. Stew on that concept.
5. Purring is like a poker game. It doesn’t work if you have a tell. Flicking your tail while purring is a sure sign of attack cat in the shadows. Work on it hun. 

Still mad at my escort.

Dear Diary, 

This is for Kelsey my escort yesterday for my date. I am still not the happiest with your decision to not help me when getting poked with a needle. Our trust level is diminished and this song sums it up. 

I hope you feel a bit of shame Kelsey...I mean they could of like you know stolen a KIDNEY  or something.. I have heard of those shady Doctors.

First date was a wash!

Dear Diary,

I went out for my date with the Dr. I was so excited I couldn’t stop telling my escort Kelsey the WHOLE way there very loudly. Then we arrived and I was taken to a special room to have our “date”. Well screw that! I was given a measly treat and then stuck with a needle. Some escort Kelsey turned out to be, shouldn’t a bodyguard/escort protect you from bad dates?  Find me a good Alley Tom to warm me at night because there is no way I could ever love a Dr. Although I hear I won’t be interesting in them after my special surgery. I was glad to leave and I am firing the mail lady who brought me that invitation. Hope she speaks the known HISS language cuz that is ALL she is getting from me from now on! 

The dominance of Lance

Dear Diary,

I have whipped the dog Lance. He might be the biggest of them all but he is a <singy voice> SUCKKAAA!!!  Yesterday he was eating a piece of chicken and I wanted some. Old lady tells me “NO food for you!” But I like food that isn’t hard pebbles. I simply went over to him and quietly said “you give me some of that or sleep with one eye open.” Bam down went the food out of his mouth and I proclaimed my dominance of the first dog in this house. The old lady of course was having none of that and picked me up, put me in time out and gave Lance his chicken back. She will pay for this. Undermining my authority must be dealt with immediately.  <Paw from my eye to hers and back again> I am watching you old lady... sleep well tonight.

Special announcement!!

Dear Diary, 

I received my first formal invitation to go somewhere! My girl says she will be my escort and she has already replied to the invitation saying I will gladly attend! I am so excited! And get this! The invitation is from <ahumm> a Doctor! I am moving up in the social circles ladies and gents! I get to go out of the glass wall that swings finally! 

I may just suck it up and get the old lady to let me into the sink for a scrub... I mean no no I didn't say that, I don't like water... Wait... I kind of do. 

Debate- Helpful versus Pest

Dear Diary,

Old lady and I were debating these words for the last few weeks. We have not fully finished but I thought I would clue you in to our little debate.

I believe in certain situations I am being Helpful to her. She believes in those same situations I am a pest. Here are a few of them to ponder.

Laundry- Particularly the dryer.

Me- Old lady drops a sock. The sock is wet and a bit defiant. I have to jump said sock, tumble with it, and sometimes even go all ninja kitty to get it to behave. Very Helpful!  

Old lady- Boo steals socks, I do not drop them on the floor. She takes them from inside the dryer and drags them around getting them dirty again. I have to rewash sock. Pest!

Dusting

Me- I show her where to dust by jumping on things and trying to direct the swiffer to the correct areas. Sometimes I grab it and say “NO!  Bad swiffer you missed a spot”. Helpful.

Old lady- Boo follows me around and attacks the swiffer. She is determined to beat it into submission so that it doesn’t even work. After I am done dusting I find chunks of swiffer fluff and have to go back and pick them up. If she can’t climb something close to where I am dusting she tries to climb me.  Pest.

Getting Dressed

Boo- When the humans put on their clothes I like to point out certain things. Like today, the old lady was putting on her Capri’s. If I hadn’t pounced on them several times I am sure she would of gone out without tying the side strings. Helpful.

Old lady- I could barely even take them off the hanger without boo trying to play with the strings. As I was putting my legs thru she insisted on holding on to the fabric. Who wears cat adornments now a day? Yes I did remember to tie my side strings. I guess I concede to this one... she was Helpful.


score- 
Boo 2
Old lady 0


your opinion counts! give points to either boo or the old lady in your comment! 

Lance and Maggie Mystery

Dear Diary,
The old lady removes Lance and Maggie from me just about every day. They go out the glass wall that swings and I can’t seem to follow. I have seen them get in the “going to the nasty office where they stick you with needles vehicle” but they seem to like it. I don’t like going in my carrier to that vehicle. They always come back tired and wet too. What is with that? This is an obscure notion to me. Go away, get super tired, come home WET? They are showing signs of being senseless. But should I be surprised they are dogs. And what does run, swim, river and play ball mean?  Once I infiltrate their doggy allegiance, and learn their language, I hope to figure out this mystery. Till then I will just chalk it up to dog stupidity. <hmpf>

Training lesson- landing on all 4 paws.

Dear Diary,

I have been working on how to land on all four paws. Some would think a cat comes preprogrammed to do this. I am saying it takes practice. The other day I was frolic mode and rolling around on my tower. The edge came closer than I thought and off I flew. I landed on my side. Kittens don’t bounce. I think I am being good about quickly righting myself once on the ground and pretty sure I have perfected the “I meant to do that” look. The old lady is very good at helping me practice landing on all fours. I climb on her desk she drops me on the ground. If I am quick to get back to her desk she is so helpful and ups the heigth she drops me and sometimes the distance is included. So I tend to RUN back to her desk over and over because I don’t want to waste her time. She wants to help me in my training. One time she actually had to tell me to take a break, which I was over studying the lesson. I believe she thinks I am too small to continue such a rigorous course. That time I had to practice actually flying and landing on all 4 paws. But it was ok it was onto the couch in the spare room and oops she forgot I can’t open doors and closed it on me again.

I would say at this point I am still learning and at a 50% success rate. But I know due to my persistence and the old ladies help I will be upping that rate with every lesson. 

OH snap!

Dear Diary,
Two days have gone by and I barely realized it! I think I must be going through a growing spurt because <yawn> all I want to do is sleep. I don't even have it in me to practice my skills.
Good news though, my girl came home <3

My first KILL!

Dear Diary,

Day 87 of my life I have made my first kill. I have to admit it was a mishap. But every opportunity to learn is a good one. The details are important to remember as future kill needs will eventually arise. The old ladies scrap room is a resource beyond all other places in this abode. I found this unbelievably amusing round white thing. I brought it out to the living room and as I did it expanded! Before I knew it, it was all over the place and getting wrapped around me. It energized me and all of a sudden my inner ninja was out again with my frenzied frolic. I am now in triple threat mode! Booya! 

 I was leaping and covering it around all sorts of objects. Tucker and I were having a quite pleasurable time playing together when I went to hide behind the big wind blower. I usually don’t play around him; he likes to suck things in from the back. I know this because I see the fur he steals from the dogs in the back. The old lady is always using the monster in the closet to remove the fur but I know the wind blower’s motive is an evil one with an addiction to fur. I would like to keep my fur. That was when I learned my toy was now being eaten by the wicked wind blower! I quickly removed myself from my entanglement  and jumped back to watch it munch. It made a dreadful noise and then …nothing. The old man who visits came running to rescue it, but it was too late. What is a screwdriver? At the end of the day my kill was a success and it lay motionless. Strike one for Ninja kitty! 

Time for my close up Mr. Demille. 

Testing a theory

Remember the kitchen sink? I could of swore I got wet because I was climbing the kitchen towels. So I thought lets try something new. Let's work our cute voice. "Meow Meow.." swagger a bit around the ankles helps. But I kept being shoo-ed away.  Then I added in a bit of light touches with the paws on the legs. Still to no avail did I get her attention! Last in the arsenal was to actually climb the bare legs with my ninja paws. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD NOT GOOD!




I am wet again. 


Towel climbing is a no...check.
Climbing legs is a no...check.

Monster in the closet

Dear Diary, 

There is a monster in the closet. It eats small things. I am small. The old lady has it tamed, but I still find I have the urge to run and hide. I usually follow Maggie. She knows the best spots of where to hide from the monster. The monster is released every single day, so in time I might be able to tame it too. It runs all around the house and makes this hideous noise as it sucks up things on the floor. One day it almost ate one of my fuzzy toys. I don't like this monster I wish it would just stay in the closet.

Time Out?

Dear Diary,

Today started out so well. Then it seems like out of nowhere I ended up locked in the spare room. I am not entirely sure what happened to lead to this.

It started like this. First of all the young female has abandoned me. I hear them say the words “away” but I just know she is not around anymore. This makes me sad and I am left to play with only the other animals and the older female. So this morning soon as there was a hint of light coming in the windows I decided that the older female needed comfort under her covers. Here I was trying to be a good kitty and I kept getting kicked and flicked away. She has no respect for my efforts. When she finally decided to get up I again felt she needed my company. I went into frenzy frolic mode I like to call it. And all of a sudden BAM she has discovered a weakness in my ARMOR! I was grabbed by the scruff of my neck and put in the spare room! While on this journey to the room I remember hearing words like “NO, DRAW BLOOD, TIME OUT” but I was so paralyzed by being carried like I was,  I am not sure.

It’s nice in that room. I have plenty of space and a window but soon as I started to protest my imprisonment I heard the black boxes in the living room come to life! They were making it very difficult for her to hear me through all the ruckus they were producing. I think its called music. It just got louder and louder.

Finally I was released. I am exhausted and made refuge in my castle. I will not give up on the old lady; she needs my comfort and companionship. She is alone a lot and the other animals seem to feel they need to sleep most of the day. I can do this, she will love me , she will love me.. She will love me….

Sounds

Dear Diary,

I found the sound of "TREAT"
Ice!!!

Soon as I hear this I know to go running. It delivers chunks of fun! I love leaving the big ones in front of the toilet. I have heard loud noises when the humans step in the ice puddle. I am pretty sure they are yelling about how wonderful I am. 

Kitchen sink

Dear Diary,

 My curiosity has proven to teach me a lesson today. Even if I know the older female wants my help she insists on saying "NO". I could of taken her at her word, but I do know better. I am a cat after all. I was determined to make her realize this. Climbing the dish towel proved successful in reaching the counter she was working at. But to my surprise, since it was the first time up there, i FOUND WATER! I know now that if the older female is standing at the counter, if i try to help her i will be places in the sink and washed. This is a lesson i do NOT want repeated."

The OTHERS

Dear Diary,
Infiltration 101 know your enemy.
I was told I am a cat. Then I moved into this house with these huge other "animals".  Animals what does that mean anyway? These others that walk on all 4 are SO HUGE! I must pull out my inner lion and teach them to respect me at once! I have taken to their habits. I watch and learn because I do realize at 2 months old I am already superior in intelligence. My first month at this new dwelling has proven to be interesting.
1st- their food is the size of my paw. How do they eat that stuff? 
2nd- When they "Bark" at me I must go into the vicious U shape and fluff all fur. This intimidates them more then the first reaction of running away. Big mistake that was... the little one CHASED me. ME! the nerve. This has been rectified I want you to know. But that is for another date.
3rd- They come with built in poles. Some of very furry. Some are not. But they move back and forth when the humans talk to them. This is proven to keep me very entertained. I am using them to perfect my ninja attack. I can tame them. One day i know i will not get knocked half way across the room. I must persevere if i plan on dominating these others. 

My study of these other animals has the big guy who visits calling me "CATDOG"

I am home..

Dear best kitty ever diary. 

I am home. 

I was rescued from the Humane Society and have begun my training of dominating a house.