On Vacation

Dear Diary, 
The old lady left me to go mend her wounds. Ninja claws after 4 months were just to much for her. She said she needed at least 2 weeks to heal. I would think so! I am good at marking my territory. 

tones and words

Dear Diary,

I feel the need to share some vital information with any other kitten reading this. There are certain words and tones a kitten should learn from the humans. Here is my list-

1. Treat! This also comes with a nice tone and usually a shake of the bottle. Remember this word, it leads to getting yummy snacks! It's also the downfall of all ninja attacks. Usually I stop what I am doing and run to the treat spot. 

2. Your name. This is important in some ways but less in others. For example- You get outside and Lance chases you to far from the house. You know the sound of your name and when the humans call; it leads you home. This is the good way to know it. Now the other way. Example- You are on the counter or the sink or have ninja clawed yourself to their thigh. When the tone is high and loud and they yell "BOO" ignore them. This is where you begin your training of them. Pretty soon you can get all humans to flinch with just look and a sway of the tail. 

3. No. When they say this it's usually loud and in a deep voice, very sharp to the ears. Here is what you do. Make your self as flat as possible and STAND YOUR GROUND. Do not ... I repeat Do NOT run. Make them come to you THEN run. This frustrates them and you have done your duty for the day. Of course more skilled kittens might like to do this several times during the day just for fun. 

One note on tone. This can be deceiving, so be aware of the words they are using. They can talk as sweet as can be and still telling you you're a "little crazy monster" But worst of all is saying the words "Going to Vet" in sugar tone. Gets me every time, So beware! The dogs... All you have to say is "Wanna Go" and they run to the door. Don't fall for it! Just don't!!!

So there is a good starting point when it comes to tones and words. Try them out, listen, learn and work that dominating side! 

Bonfire

Dear Diary, 

The old lady gave up the ghost and realized I love to play outside. Last night I was invited to play outside with the humans. They let the dogs out too! We had a wonderful time of playing tag and hide and seek. I so love playing outside. It just makes me feel so alive and then I get to sleep really well at night. This morning I tried to go outside for a few minutes. It was really cold out and I ran back in. Old lady says to me "Not so much fun at 21 degrees huh Boo?" I am thinking ... No it's not. She says to me "Get use to it, this is just the beginning and then in some strange Game of Thrones voice says..."Winter is coming" <shrug> I have no idea what she is talking about. 

So Worried!!!

Dear Diary,

There is some discussion about my staying here in this home. I am so worried! My girl is supposed to clean my litter box and she has been rather lacking in that department. I don’t like yucky litter; it’s not good for the ninja claws. I was looking for a new place since the box was just plain yucky and my bladder just slipped on the old ladies bed. She had to go to the laundry mat right away because the washer is broken. <shrug> And the rest of the day she ranted about the girl and responsibility. I heard words like “Doesn’t matter how cute and loving I am… responsibility has consequences…” I am really scared! I love it here! Wish the old lady would just do my litter clean up. When the girl was gone for that one week it was cleaned all the time! Sometimes twice a day! I like it when the old lady does it.

<prays to kitten gods> PAWEEES PAWEEES PAWEEES make the girl do what she has to do, or make the old lady love me so much she takes over and the girl gets some other punishment. I don't want to be punished for the girls lack of actions. 

Small gap = Fun!

Dear Diary,

Shhhh… I found an escape route from the house. The window with the air conditioner has a gap. I discovered I am a very brave kitty and jumped about 12ft. to the ground. Then I was off to plunder all the leaves I wanted! No birds get to eat at our house today, Ninja kitty is on watch! The old lady thinks I might have escaped when she was letting a dog in. What she doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her. When I made the mistake of letting her know I was outside she came out to join me and brought Lance. He loves playing tag! We flew around the house in circles and up and down trees! Even played hide and seek in the flowers. He doesn't hide very well. I did come back in and found there is a box in front of my escape route. Hmmm wonder how that happened? Oh well will figure that out another day , all that fresh air made me sleepy. 

SSDD

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was same shit different day... I think I have a lot of those in my future. I didn't even draw blood on the old lady. Dang cooler weather has her legs hidden. Trust me, it wasn't for lack of trying, even when she does dishes I like to ninja attack her butt. Yeah... I have progressed from the back of the knee to  higher areas. On one note, Lance actually barked at me. All I was trying to do was comb his tail. Things are fine and dandy outside and we are all buddies, but inside he is such a snob. Dogs can be so cliquish!

Denied freedom

Dear Diary,

There seems to be some immunity to my meows lately. I have been working on communicating with the old lady and she keeps denying my chatter. I have even found a few higher notes. It’s not the soft whisper of a baby anymore; I am working on my Roar! I really wanted to go outside yesterday. The other fur babies were allowed. Am I not the Cat Dog the old man that visits, calls me? He was outside most of the day and I really wanted to help him. I could have chased all the leaves he was mowing over. I kept telling them I wanted to help, but they just kept saying “that was a treat, because soon you will be defenseless” What does that mean? I have ninja claws! I climbed a tree! I am INVINSIBLE! I finally had to give up and take a nap. All the excitement of the outside world was just out of my reach and I got very sleepy trying to break free of the shackles of the house. I believe I am doomed to live here in jail. Yup that’s me, Boo cat extraordinaire… left to live a life with 4 walls and a cot. Oh the agony! 

Rescue!

Dear Diary,
Yesterday was such an awesome day! I got to play outside for hours and hours and I even climbed a tree! The old lady found me up high and then the old guy that visits came out and said "You never find cat bones up in trees, she will find a way down." He was right! Ninja paws and a bit of side booty action and I was back down on the ground!
Then across the street there was some action going on with the neighbor kids. I alerted the old lady right away! They had found a kitten all alone! They named him Tuna because that was all they had for stray cats to eat. Plus the neighboring old lady was allergic to kitties. I saw how they were handling tuna and the old lady said "They have no idea what to do with that kitty!" So she went over and talked to them and all of a sudden I was having to share my food bowl. That was not cool at ALL. NOPE. TUNA had to be removed at once! Even my fur family didn't like Tuna. Wait.. think it was the other way around. I am not sure if Tuna has ever even seen a dog before. Because he was all fuzzy and hissing every time they walked by and sniffed the carrier.

Anyway Tuna was a nice enough boy, but we don't need two cat masters here. Out with you Tuna.. OUT!

My girl took Tuna to the kindle of kitties home. The borderland Humane society has a room just for lost kitties! He will get a few days to adjust and hopefully his owner will find him. If not he will get to visit the Shady Dr and get poked too...<evil kitty grin> Then be up for adoption. I hope if the owners don't find him that he gets a home as happy as mine.

Here is a brief picture of Mr. Tuna. 

Update! OOZie aka Mr. Tuna found his mommy! 

Spoiled rotten!

Dear Diary,

I am so loved and spoiled. I always want to be up on the human’s chests so the old lady and girl decided in order for them to continue loving me I needed proper support. They ordered up a baby sling just for me. Now I get to lay with them while they are busy  in a cocoon of love and warmth for both of us. I was reading up on Crazy Cat Ladies and pretty sure I am making both of them into one. Those Crazy cat ladies love to spoil their kitties. I am pretty sure I am on the right path of crazy for the old lady. 

Joyful fun!

Dear Diary,

I had the most fabulous day yesterday! The old lady was working out front and she let me come out with her. Lance and Maggie were outside too! We all played in the grass and at first I was all like “What is this green stuff?” then she said it was grass and it was fun to walk on! I pounced on leaves and chased bugs, even did a bit of camouflage work with spider webs on my whiskers. I dug in the dirt and played chase the kitty with my fur family. There is a small jungle and cave that I got to play in. I couldn’t contain the pleasure of being outside and was running in circles and leaping for joy. The fresh air and the sun on my fur was simply lovely!  Lance, I found finally will play with me if I am outside! He was so much fun. First I would attack him (I am a wolverine!), then he would pretend he was a sheep dog and try to round me up and keep me up front. He did well, our role-playing games were fun! We were out there for a long time. Finally I was tired and asked to go inside. My window perch made a perfect afternoon snooze spot.

And then…

The girl came home and called me. I went running and she tossed me in the carrier and took me to that shady DOCTOR again. I cried and cried and she didn’t listen one bit! That evil doctor gave me ANOTHER shot. It really hurt and I let them know I was not into all this acupuncture voodoo hoodoo crap. My girl brought me home and I am safe. I did hear I don't have to go back again for shots for a year. Not sure what a year is but I have that much time to perfect my escape routes from being put in the carrier and going to the Doctors. 

Whack A Cat

Dear Readers,

My girl made me a game to work on my paw-eye coordination. She calls it “whack a cat”; I call it “Ninja attack simulation exercises for the inner monk kitten”. Maybe we will just refer to it as whack a cat, it’s shorter. Sometimes we play this game with the box on the floor, and sometimes she sets it up on end and I have to jump to get the bird (Swiffer). The training exercise ends when I kill the bird. I get a treat for doing this, so I give it my all! Once in a while I get so involved I jump out of the box and try to chase the bird. My girl says “cheating!” and the bird flies away. Back to the box, I want my treat!

Every once in a while Lance and Tucker think they can play “Whack a Cat”. Tucker actually jumps and tries to get me, but Lance knows how our relationship is and just watches. I know for a fact he would love the chance to get me. His nature is such a soft one he will never act on it. Can we say push over? (Insert evil meow)

Box Cave Part 2

Dear Diary,

Box Cave part 2.

I give this box cave a rating of 6/10. I think it has to many holes and all my girl does is poke me. This is not fun. The only part I really like is the bottom where I can lazily lay there and strike out here and there. I think the old lady said something about starting over. Plus I am a growing kitty; I need bigger holes! 

Props to the girl for cutting the nice "HI" in it, but reality bites and its just not working for me. Sometimes the humans are clever, this time, not so much. 

Swiffer Gymnastics

Dear Diary,

I started my kitten gymnastics training. Our first course is the Swiffer Jump. I have so much work to do, because the old lady says some day I will be able to jump on the washer and dryer and <as she gasps and sighs> the counters in the kitchen. Straight from the floor too! I won’t have to jump on the chair then the table and try to make it across. I am pretty sure they don’t allow me on the table because they yell and come running with the air can. That is a different story all to itself! Air cans are evil! I think I am showing I have the skills to succeed in this training session. If you watch closely I did a flip with a dismount on top of a box! 

Documentation exhibit 1. The beginning of an athlete, the Swiffer Jump. 

 As you can see I made them stop working on other projects to do this exercise.

Closed for the weekend

Dear Diary, 
The old lady and my girl say I chatter to much. I have to take the weekends off. Cya Monday! 

But just in case you miss me; here I am wanting a treat. 

BOO I SAID NO MORE... YOUR EGO IS ENORMOUS! Little lovey turd!

                                                               ~The old Lady